Kenya, Rants

Another Day In Tala

Lately a lot of people have been asking me for money, and it’s getting really annoying. Sometimes it’s, “give me twenty shillings” and other times it’s, “buy for me tea” or, “give me your bike.” I have so many experiences with this, nearly ten in the last two days, that I hardly even know where to start!

Today was a long day at work because my class wasn’t until after lunch, and then I talked for nearly two hours, waving my hands, writing on the board, breathing chalk dust, etc. After work I walked to the market to drink a cup of tea and eat a chapati. It’s only one and a half kilometers, but the hot African sun scorches my nose and neck and there’s a gauntlet of children yelling at me along the side of the road almost the whole way. Sometimes they yell, “Alan!” and other times it’s, “Mzungu!” or, “Wewe!” (Swahili for “you”). Even after you wave they keep yelling, and it’s really annoying when you’re walking with someone trying to have a conversation. The other day a rock/clod of dirt hit me in the face and I swear it was one of those kids (but I can’t prove it).

After arriving safely to the market I headed to the cafe I’ve been having tea at lately. It just so happens that the cafe is next door to the barber shop where I normally get a shave and hang out to kill time, so I went to greet people. The owner mentioned that they wanted me to buy them tea, to which I laughed, but he persisted. He said that he knew I was about to go drink tea and eat chapati. After that, how could I then go have tea next door without feeling guilty? So I proceeded to another of my usual cafes where I saw a certain mzee (respectful title for an old man) who was eager to greet me. He’s always really nice and I see him almost every day, but he doesn’t speak much English and my Swahili is better-suited for speaking with small children. I sat down at his table and made some small talk, inquiring whether he had already had tea; bado, “not yet.” I asked if he wanted chapati and he said something about it costing a lot of money, so I told him I’d buy for him.

As we were eating, a drunk (or crazy) guy started greeting me and asking for tea and chapati. I tried to tune him out but I still heard him telling me “God will punish you” and other crazy things like, “I am Kenyan.” He even came over to me to insult/beg to my face and I had visions of him throwing my tea at me. I tried to tell him to leave me alone and to go away (in Swahili), but this only made him more excited. Luckily a waiter saw him and shoed him away.

This stuff is entirely typical, though. Yesterday I was walking to a little restaurant to buy some fried fish and ugali and an annoying woman ran over and started following me. This woman is always nagging me. Every time I walk by she jumps up to come talk to me, dismissing whoever I’m talking to, pretending we have some pending business to attend to, “Alan, I want to talk to you about something.” She ended up following me several blocks to the restaurant, “Alan, I know you’re going to eat fish. Buy for me.” I’ve ceased to be courteous with this lady, so I just responded, “Linda, I will not buy you fish. I want to eat alone. Please leave me. You can walk that way now.” Another day she asked me to “just give me 100 shillings.” When I declined she made a big scene asking me over and over “why?”

Also typical: someone asks me to buy them food or tea and I see they’re chewing miraa (qat, a narcotic plant) in their pocket. I’ll joke with those guys and tell them that I can see they’re already eating some sukuma wiki. It’s probably rude, but how can I buy ten shillings of some leafy green vegetables when they’re spending 100 shillings on drugs? I’m not the morality police, but don’t ask me for ten shillings when you’ve blown 100 on drugs.

Just another day in Kenya I guess.

7 Comments to “Another Day In Tala”

  1. Mom

    I only hope no one accuses you of something bad to get even with you just because they don’t get money from you. That would be awful! Just do like they do in India. Swat them lightly with your paper!!!

  2. Alan Author


    Hah, the paper-swatting trick only worked in India because I saw the locals doing it! I haven’t seen that trick here, but my colleagues will tell them things like, “You have two arms, two legs, go work!”

  3. your package should be showing up here this week … they said two weeks … let me know!

    All those tv shows and movies… you’ll have your own movie theater running in no time.

  4. glo

    I’ve been following your posts for a while and I find them fun to read. I come from Kinyui a few miles from Tala but live in the UK. The money issue is a nightmare for almost every Kenyans living outside the country. The “Linda Syndrome” is the order of the day when in Kenya and if one is not careful, family members and others whom you may know or not know can milk you dry.

  5. Alan Author


    Karibu sana! I know Kinyui, I rode my bike to Kilamabogo the other day.

    I am glad you find my posts fun to read! Hopefully they’re not offensive… sometimes I am just too frustrated and “putting myself in their shoes” is the last thing I want to do. I want to rant, that’s what I want to do!

    Anyways, thanks for stopping by. :)


  6. alan, it’s good to hear it’s not just lesotho where people are assholes about asking you for things. I try so hard to shrug it off, but man it gets obnoxious. there aren’t actual shops where you can go eat, really, or buy things like tea so i don’t get that angle. just walking around everywhere, 5 Rand seems to be the magic number for money. or they want sweets. yesterday actually some high school bitches chased up to me and stole my favorite hat off my head then ran away. anyway, that’s my rant for now….

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