Kenya

“I was counted,” because Kenya is in the middle of counting Kenyans. The census, which apparently happens every decade, is a very manual process: from August 24th to 31st people are walking from house to house all over Kenya inquiring about certain welfare indicators. I’ve heard the list of questions includes things like how many kids in each home, how many toilets and which kind (flush or pit latrine?), diet, occupation, salary, etc. I wasn’t in the house when the counters came, so I’ll never be quite sure what questions they asked.

All I have to go on is the story I heard from my roommate’s girlfriend Tasleem. My Swahili isn’t so good, and neither is her English, and that makes it all the more hilarious. When I got home from work the security guard told me the census people had come, so I asked Tasleem, “Walikuuliza maswali gani?” (which questions did they ask you?). According to her, the representatives came in to see the living conditions, asking who lives in this room, and that one, etc. She told them, “Watu wawili wanaishi huko juu, mtu moja anaishi hapa chini” (two people live up there, one person lives down here). When I asked her if she told them Steve and I were foreigners she said no. Hah!

Mimi ni Mkenya (I’m a Kenyan). Also, she told me she informed them that I was a teacher, which is a close enough guess. Come to think of it, I’m not even sure she knows my name, because whenever I come home she just says, “Sema, bro?!” (like “say something, bro”). Karibu Kenya!

Kenya

Less-than-average rains this past year mean Kenya’s hydroelectric dam at Masinga is bone dry, forcing the government to start rationing electricity. There are so many reasons why failed rains suck (not the least of which is a pending famine), but here’s one I haven’t heard anyone talk about: how does an electric security fence work without electricity? You see, in addition to security guards, every private compound has a wall around its perimeter, topped with either broken glass or a few rows of electric cables. How are those fences going to zap intruders if power is cut from 6 AM to 6 PM three days a week? That’s not to say I’m worried about my security (I live on the fifth floor of my building, behind a bullet-proof door), it just seems like it would be a serious concern to some people.

The lack of rain is agitating in other funny ways too. For example, it’s hard to wash your hair when there’s no water in the house. This is, of course, a complication of the government’s other new rationing program: water! The worst-case scenario here is sleepily assuming you’ll be able to take a quick shower and snoozing your alarm, thereby grabbing an extra thirty minutes of sleep before work. This is fabulous until you wake up and crawl over to the shower, only to flip the knob and watch an anything-but-impressive stream of water dribble out. It’s happened to me twice in the last week! By the time I capture a pot of water, heat it on the stove, and wash my hair with a cup another half hour has passed and I’m cursing myself for nabbing those extra Zs… but they are always so sweet, so there is a good chance I’ll do the same thing tomorrow morning!

Kenya, Rants

I don’t want to go see the lions in Masai Mara. And while we’re at it, no, you can’t shine my sandals. I’ve said it before and I can’t reiterate it enough, being white in Nairobi is annoying. I don’t know what’s wrong with white people in Kenya, they’re either too rich or too lazy so they zip around in taxis. Well I’m not rich or lazy, so it annoys the hell out of me when I’m walking in Nairobi and taxi drivers relentlessly ask if I need a taxi. I’ve been good lately, but I know enough Swahili to be pretty rude to those guys.

I guess it varies with my mood. For instance, yesterday was Friday so I wore jeans to work and everyone was a bit relaxed. I was meeting my friend in Nairobi for coffee after work, so I was feeling good. I had just been laughing and enjoying the evening when some guy offered me a taxi. I simply told him, “Si endi mbali” (I’m not going far), and I guess he liked that because he responded, “Poa, asante sana, ndugu. Karibu.” (cool, thanks alot, brother. You’re welcome.). hat’s how it’s supposed to be, and I always feel bad when I diss ’em.

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